a million grains of dust

x trainer.

2009-07-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

Tentative itinerary:

Drive to Chicago area
Motel
777 miles

Drive to Sioux Falls
Palisades State Park
Short hikes, nice views, paddling
552 miles

Drive to Badlands National Park
Sage Creek primitive, bring water
Buffalo, Antelope, Hikes, Stars
295 miles

Hike Badlands National Park
Sage Creek, hike notch trail
0 miles

Drive to Wind Cave National Park
Elk Mountain Camp, Veggies Restaurant Rapid City,
Wind cave candlelight tour
Hiking Black Hills
138 miles

Drive through Rushmore and Deadwood
Mt. Rushmore, Saloon 10 Will Bill Show in Deadwood,
Devils Tower, Sturgis craziness, Stay in Motel somewhere
150 miles (to Devil’s Tower)

Drive to Yellowstone National Park
Camp at Norris Campground if available
Norris geyser Basin
488 miles

Hike Yellowstone National Park
Norris Campground, Old Faithful,
Artist Point, Hike South Canyon
0 miles

Drive to Grand Tetons National Park
Lizard Creek Campground,
Raft Snake River from Flagg Ranch to Jackson Lake
79 miles

Drive to Antelope State Park, Utah
Swim Great Salt Lake, hike.
(Or motel nearer Arches to nab spot)
346 miles

Drive to Arches National Park
Devil’s Garden Campground
Hike Arches
255 miles

Drive to Canyonlands National Park
Squaw Flat Campground, arrive very early for spot
83 miles

Drive to Lake Powell
Lone Rock Beach Camp, primitive, crowds
Camp on beach
Swim, boat
166 miles

Lone Rock Beach
Swim, Boat, Hike
0 miles

Drive to Bryce Canyon National Park
Sunset Campground if available
Hike Sunset Point to Sunrise Point
153 miles

Drive to Salt Lake City
Vegan Tiramisu at Sage’s Cafe
Stay in hotel
274 miles

2009-02-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

Gm

2008-05-21T01:32:00.001-07:00

so pleasant
never abrasive
peaceful
so distant from reality
so near to how I feel
what my reality is
so passionate
so pleading
crying out
a different sound in the world that abounds
so fucking soft that I want to cry
for all the people unable to feel it
for myself
for all the times i’ve let it pass
put if off until tomorrow
until tomorrow becomes now
months from when
clean
right
were every note is the right one
but the voice
ever the voice
not always in key
but fuckit
hiumi
I want to die it’s so beautiful
intersecting hypocrisy
wow, it’s what i’ve been up to all night
never challenging but it will lay you to bed
it will send you off into forgiveness and love

i’ve just spent a wod
it’s a thing I do
probably shouldn’t have
but which of me is that speaking
i’ve been wanting to ..
a year ish
i’ll never aford to
I now feel I deserve it
fuckit
of all the 700 i’ve spent
this seems like one of the best
off all the other things I will have not
spent the 700 on
I will not miss thee
or I will delay

harmony of pulse..
not sure how many times i’ve played those chords...
it lives in me
this pulse
drives me from
drives me to
drives me fro
drives me thru
a bit like being drunk
or is it that i’m drunk
again the voice
magical
were Is my voice
my siren
i’ve known her before
shell live again

jack or jill

2008-05-20T01:10:00.000-07:00

who willist be
will jack cave in
of will jill just
of course
i just want to know why the symphony is so active
logging in and giving its entries
all seems to be working
those shiny discs still work
the western digital ones don't
and right now neither does my lacie

so, who out there has enabled surround sound on a mac?
what the hell
what this the most non mac thing or what.
seriously
launch dvd player without a dvd and set the toslink ....
then and only then does it persist?
wtf
this aint no pee c
my music drive has died which has caused me to dust off some olde nipponese discs
towards the event horizon has got to be one of the best works in the 00s
i should see what their other stuff is like.
this one is pretty flash though
somewhere between blade runner, cocteau twins and julie cruz
old ct though
not the newer stuff
i don't mind my hdd failing all that much
movies i've already seen and shouldn't really be in possession of
albums i've been planing on re-importing as raw pcm instead of mp3s
gods know i'm not using the space for anything creative.
my book does work for a while if i stick it in the freezer first
but that my my (several months removed) backup
my lacie was the work horse but i guess horses don't like mac pros
fuckit
buy jack or jill for a plush evening

somewhere someshere

2007-12-09T21:42:00.000-08:00

if i could type, i wouldn't care
not that i do, but i suppose i must

anyway
here we are
new equipment
new gear
a new world
and new beginning
some new cloths
almost a new year
which to run
to or from
i want it all to work
beautiful in all its high definitions
i want flawless
easy compatibility
fire where combustible
smooth when clean
preparing for this gig is what we do
we do it to do it right
"corners always get cut"
so says the coroner as she cuts
lives get lost and scenes fall all over
this is a film that i only want to grow
a show to display all we know
we didn't come here without
i know we don't want to go
is this what we've planned?
no
are we forcing this to happen?
...
or are we letting happen take its course?
...
what gets lost along the way
once the brisk snowy dust settles
on this piercing callous ground
in this field of honor
who'll be found
so far it all clicks
a jitterless clock clunking along
all we've tried has worked thus far
all we've attempted has warmed us
this hut is looking plush

i'll take the photos of all the plastic as they pass

x-mas is coming
and something is getting fat
all i want to do is let go
let it all go
and melt
and drip into a vat
and pour the sludge all over
to lube this machine
to bring it all back

paige turned

2007-11-12T20:58:00.001-08:00

and mcvandal fell:

Watch her out there on display
Dancing in her sleepy way
And all her visions start to play
The icicles of our decay, Marlene
Drink it to Marlene

Fading flowers in her hair
She's suffering from wear and tear
She lies in waterfalls of dreams
And doesn't question what it means, Marlene
We drink it to Marlene

And all along the desert shore
She wanders further evermore
The only thing that's left to try
She says to live I have to die, Marlene
We drink it to Marlene
Marlene
We drink it to Marlene

She whispers sadly, "Well I might"
And holds herself so very tight
Then jumping from an unknown height
She merges with the liquid night, Marlene
Marlene
We drink it to Marlene

Her lovers wrap her mist in furs
And tell her what she has is hers
But when they take her by the hand
She slips back in the desert sand
Our Marlene
We drink it to Marlene
Marlene

But what she leaves is made of glass
And lovers worship as they pass
And each one says, "Well, now she's mine"
But all drink solitary wine
Marlene
Marlene

Fare thee well
Fare thee well

2007-11-12T18:44:00.000-08:00

somewhere the sundances
and the snow falls
or just sits on the floor
some stars come out but most do not
mortals come out to play
feel mighty big as they buy their licenses
and pretend to be important
they gather at functions
where no one knows any 1
and care even less about the ones they don't know
most just shop
shop for chop off the olde chopping block
and rip someone off as they get carried aloft
some make it
some do not
most sit in cabs
and hide from the cold
huddled to get her
befuddled but bold
more glitz and more biz more than enough people to say yes
like beastly tentacles something may emerge
a leviathan of marketing or from a spark of imagination
something new may arise and give it all meaning

hade to put it somewhere

2007-10-16T23:48:00.000-07:00

what would I say
if I only knew
whatever I said
would make you swoon
if I could say anything
and not be afraid
and not frighten you
nor beguile you
but If what I would say
would envelop you
honestly take you
if every word I had
would warm your heart
and fill your cup
what would I say
caution to the wind
or so they say
but who are they
and when have they been right anyway
it sucks
when every pause
every punctuation
is considered
is sent off to be deliberated
what to say?
not what to say
but what would *I* say
I would say..
i'm scared
and I am frightened
I would say
it reminds me of love
I would say
i'm thrilled
and i'm giddy
and I am feeling slightly pretty
I would say

I would say
man, I don't know you
but, man, you can have me
you can take me
you can take me anywhere and break me
or just make me
I would say
i'm willing to let my guard down
I am open to love
i'm willing to get hurt
for you
would I say

I would say
i'm really fucking sorry I didn't smile
I would say
and I would say it again
I did, I did smile
but I was in shock
and my lips never moved
I would say
and you kissed me
and I froze and fainted
and felt totally fucking in awe
every insecurity i've ever learned
is getting yanked out of the grain
I would say
liberating the fly from the web
baby from womb
I would say
every bit of self doubt
is being tested
I would say
next time I will smile the smile I smile now
I would say
today
the smile i've held with me for two days
the smile i've let enrapture me
I would say
the gift of smile you've given me
I would say

I would say
I hope I was me enough to have a second go
I would say
I don't know you from eve
but we talked of celebrity
I would say
I was really star struck
clocks that last for eons
for fucks sake
I would say
clubs that came and went
I would say
you are glamorous
you are a spectacle
I would say
you downright make me want to melt
I would say

what I did say was
refreshed
still rings true
like stoked
but not stoked
not like a surfer
but that little flame that's been lurking
those little embers glowing beneath
never ventured that you could exist
I would say
never entertained the notion
certainly fortunate to have that moment
to have this day today
this 2 days
these words at my fingers
this i would say

I would say sorry
I would say
I was distracted
by a beauty so distracting I didn't know where I was
magical like a performance
fleeting like my life flashed
off and on again
what I did say
you are a wonder
raven at that
you are empirical
you are beauty
I would say

I would say
please don't go
I would say
just plain jane please
is all i would say
all of everything for a chance
I would say
for the glory of god
I would say
next time I will smile the smile I've not smiled in a great while
I would say
and when I was young
someone young wrote this song
someone younger then made it again
and that one i'm sure you know
no snow for the eskimo
“saw your brown eyes turning once to fire....“

these words at my fingers
but still not at my lips
what do I say

have another, you'll be fine

2007-08-31T02:06:00.000-07:00

i was just reminded of another gripe
damn, what was it...
oh, hardware acceleration will blue screen machines while playing with WME
both ati and nvidia
again
3 different pc
2 different different cards
2 different oses
1 lame ass encoder

what is ks anyway

2007-08-31T02:00:00.000-07:00

this is a gripe i've been puting off for a while
but it's reared it's ugly head
ks.sys
??????
what is this
??????
take a pc
install windows xp pro and the latest patches
install an osprey card
launch windows media encoder
and there you have it
ks.sys is missing
no audio os the result
copy ks.sys from any older machine laying about and all is fine
wtf.
has no one noticed?
5 different installations
4 different pcs
3 different capture cards
2 different oses (server 2003 did the same)
1 annoyed engineer

have you got your fiber for the day

2007-08-31T01:29:00.000-07:00

we have the chedda to buy some fibery bits to build the mothership of on location tactical fiber
well will rival any rental house in the area, only you can't have any of it.
ok, so here is my gripe: why are there no visio shapes for broadcast production gear that i can find?
it's not like i'm going to do it.
i can't even keep up this blog
back to the show
we do these big truck shoots with thousands of meters of triax, audio, data, pl, video, sdi... you name it...
it takes too long to do the medial task of dragging cable through the bushes over and over and over and over
ah, 1 single multi strand tactical fiber on a motorized spool.
now that's more like it.
neutrik has their fibercon which are cool
belden makes some nice wide-band cable
so we're trying to figure out what needs to sit at either end of the fiber
we're looking at telecast, multidyne and some other one that escapes me
oh i'll need to check out opticomm too
anyway, here's what we use and we'll need room to grow
23 analog audio one way
8 the other
10 2wire pl channels
4+ triax or multicore
lan
422
gpb
a mix of 15+ composite, sdi in every which direction
something modular and flexible... adaptive, that's the catch phrase..
could scale up to hd
i like telecast because all their stuff is named after snakes. they don't do vga though

switches and switches

2007-07-23T23:29:00.001-07:00

hmmm.
well we've started building out the rack that will be home to the 70is(s) from across the street
it's all archaic stuff, but it looks nice, it'll be cheep, it's an improvement...
those are the 'talking points'
i love this stuff.
it's all old sync/subcarrier/blanking all sold desperately separately
a hundred foot long cables eating up all of our kings
why are kings so damn expensive
it's got to be more than just the name
it's heart is a grass 100 something switcher
a ten/20 router
a 8500 da frame
some olde leitchy sync gen
a 1910 (my favorite chunk of tech in this rack)
more tek scopes 120/130 (Bs)
panasonics 503
some crappy ass sony 4x
some crappy ass iki 13" for 'shading' (as if...)
the router has it's full compliment of taley/status panels
some crappy ass prime image frame shacker...
it adds some nice dirt if you're into that sort of thing
which i am
but i'm not sure that the see-e-oh would see-it-that way
gawdd i'm obnoxious.
what else what else
there's um
oh, a very nice mps panel from our friends over at sig-t
love'em
don't get me started on the audio
keep in mind that this is purely to negate the need for setup
just walk in and flip a switch
and switch away
no real intercom
no real audio... just 2 wireless and a 3rd wired
no phones... well, maybe one but you'd have to fine someone to figure it out
now you're into hiring an A1
oh, you want projection...
oh, you want real intercom...
oh, you've got a roll in
oh, you want lighting
oh, you want pipe and drape
oh, you want it to look good
oh, you want lower 3rds
oh, you want wiz-bang
well, all that is extra.. especially the looking good part.
that's jenny's job
shell fix you up
she's got the dope and the shillac
well, probably not, but one could always hope
you never know what's going on in that greenie room
i've often wondered about the coke and hookers..
i never really get to see them
i don't think it exists
not in this biz
well... i know that's a fucking lie
but wtf
i did some time working for an aging rock band
popular
and had the whole back stage access and all that shit
but...
a cheese plate
mineral water
these people weren't strait
they weren't hippies (wait, that wouldn't make sense)
they weren't a church band (wait, that wouldn't make sense either)
no coke
no hookers
sheesh
i was expecting to meet tops, bottoms and switches
now i just see switchers

too self for self

2007-06-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

so the guy has gone from my place to their place.
the stuff doesn't .... well... work
or work well for that matter.
so i get to barrage the guy with the demands of answers he doesn't have to give.
he's also offering the end of our careers if we dont go on the cruze.
jump aboard, have a laugh, change the world... until the next planned change anyway.
put it on copper, take it off copper and put it over the air. put it into space. back now, but on glass as digits, now back up to the cosmos, but make sure the content is comatose
so noone will notice how bad it looks how bad it sounds how bad it feels how bad it says
is the lowest common denominator self hate?
would you really eat jack in the crack if you loved yourself
would you really enjoy gladiators pummeling eachother if you were capable of love.
are you really willing to give up what you had, and pay more for it
the dream is more for less
we are subjected to less for more
planned obsolescence
buy hd
we're not ready for it, so buy it again in 5 years when we are
it wont matter anyway because what you bought 5 years ago has already failed once. so you'll be willing
buy a raid to house your fliks
buy another now, because the one you had is now... well.... just do it. new is better....
sucker

fix

2007-06-01T00:42:00.000-07:00

right
don'r lovit when ya send something out to get a fix and it comes back needing a fix?
we have a scopus with this horrendous audio spat that sends even me running....
well this is what it went out fer, that and the fact that we can't remote to it.
guess what.... it came back, horrible spats in toe and deaf to all tcp/ip traffic.
i'm glad we got that sorted.

next is a particular aj-d960 that's gone out and had 700 caps replaced because in the long long ago there was a bad run of the bastards.
it's actually done this i think 700 times now.
seriously, this deck is alway dead... needing 700 caps replaced. 4 times already and a 5th on it's way as the composite out is out.
maybe there be 701 caps

did i mention that our thunderous boat anchor is now up and running with the best of them.... fyi, 7.1 whatever fixed whatever it wouldn't fix. good show mr. support!
now i'm wondering why the mxf the sucker makes isn't readable my our media composer adrenaline hd? not the same mxf i suppose. that would be just too easy.

btw, our non unity unity is working smackingly. pm and i'll let you in on the secret. it aint perfection, but it could have been if politic weren't stubborn.

simple solutions

2007-05-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

after talking to avid (which i have to say was a pleasent experiance)
things are getting fixed.
they're products, marketing, swindeling, extortion and weirdness is trying
but it seems that if you talk to the tech guys, things get done.
kudos
the 40k doorstop was my ticket to the good stuff.
good thing we own acronis, otherwise we would have had to have bought it.
you should buy a least the workstation/client whatever version. best thing out there

today i was told to tell the CEO to get out of our room that we'd reserved.
i decided to wait him out... i went upstairs and got some hot green instead.
came back, got the press conf off and running and all was sweet.
went back to home base to work on the crud and stuff.

for some reason none of our marshalls want to work with our brand laptops... at least the ones we've picked for our shows. i thought that vga was vga. will wonders never cs

why can't i keep up on this?

and the gold goes to...

2007-05-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

on a lighter note, i'm designing a studio for nasa
finally working for nasa...
i think i'm the only one i know that hasn't
i'll be sure not to shoot anyone, that's the job of the crew.

also met the chap that builds out the system for the olympics
i'm getting a tour before it ships out. sweeeeeet.

not too much video, more of a rant

2007-05-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

well there was a film... or two
fog, bridge... whatever
a girl i know jumped. she was bound. i mourned.
i now have this morbid curiosity about the circumstances
where did she jump
day, night
was it caught on tape
girl afraid .... i'll say.
people say things on either side
bastardize, inflate...
she was she.
everyone that knew knew.
stupid sad.

illustrator

2007-05-03T22:59:00.000-07:00

i'm needing to learn illustrator or some other vectory thing. for both a business idea and for a tattoo design. i know that i could hire an illustrator person for this stuff, but i've always been a diyer.

alright

2007-05-03T22:38:00.000-07:00

so, i didn't look up the camers... they're old.. kill me. the should work as a second set of studio cams...

avid is annoying... we've got a thunder x-whatever that doesn't seem to work out of the box. of course there was some assembly required. anyway, channels are miss matched. channel 1 is realy channel 3, 2=1 and 1=2, com ports are all fracked up. it seems that getting any support for an 40k door jam is a bit like picking at a scab.

the big issue, now the the crashing has stopped, is that it is worthless. playback is glitchy on every clip on every channel, including the clips that came with it. audio stutters like a politician telling lies.

we were also handed a pile of clips from who-knows-where, germany which are a mix of .avi files and .mxf files. the avi's will play (sorta) in media player, so obviously we need the right codec. i don't get it. "here's a bunch of stuff i've rendered.... good luck playing it." "oh, you want the codec we used... now you're just being difficult"

man, i'm grumpy. i get paid all the same, so why the hell should i care?

maybe it's because i've been depressed all day and later found out that my mother's dog died. not that i care, but i feel like life is evaporating away while i'm chasing down codecs that some euro trash has neglected to send.

no offense if you are from europe, i hate americans too. stop being scared little robots. when will you uprise and take life into your own hands. it's your life, be responsible for your own actions and include some fracking codecs.

that's not even the start of it.... grrrr

don't get me wrong, some robots are really quite nice

pulled a million miles of cable

2007-05-02T23:48:00.000-07:00

hands hurt
avid is being annoying.
pricks at footy.. that's a different blog
where does the ability come from where someone can be a prick, but be unwilling to acknowledge it.
i'm not above it, but i know when i am... again, wrong blog.

so, another building is shutting down.
we went to liberate some camera cable... old stuff.
we got quite a bit more than we bargained for.
4 big-old camera cables
a ton of 5 wire stuff
a stage snake... 500 footer? 12 channel rapco stuff.
all the cameras work after so many years, sony something-or-others.
they don't look so bad either.. well they do when cable comp is set wrong but duh.

spent the rest of the day one a witch hunt for a clip.
and chasing down encoder gremlins. i think i hear that giant sucking sound coming from redmond again.

first vid blog... i said i would do it.